In unserer Arbeit bezeichnen wir uns als kink-friendly oder kink-aware.
Zum einen möchten wir vermitteln, dass wir Klienten, die eine im weitesten Sinne unkonventionelle Sexualität bevorzugen, grundsätzlich offen und freundlich begegnen und sie wegen ihres persönlichen Kinks [1] nicht abwerten.
Zum anderen bieten wir uns mit diesem Etikett als Gesprächspartner für Menschen an, die sich in ihrer Sexualität im Spannungsfeld BDSM/Trauma bewegen und darüber in den Austausch und in die gemeinsame Selbsterforschung gehen wollen. [2]
Kinks sind in unserem Weltbild …
- … eine Quelle für Freude, Heilung, Ekstase und tiefe Intimität in der Sexualität.
- … weder falsch noch moralisch verwerflich. Die menschliche Sexualität bietet so viele Möglichkeiten, Ausprägungen und Präferenzen wie es erwachsene Menschen gibt – und nur, weil man den Kink des anderen nicht kennt oder teilt, ist er doch kein Anlass für Abwertung.
- … keine Erlaubnis, sich anderen Menschen gegen deren Willen sexualisiert zu nähern. Jegliche Interaktion muss den Prinzipien von SSC und/oder RACK entsprechen (safe, sane, consensual / risk-aware consensual kink). [3]
- … kein Freibrief, sich als etwas besonderes zu fühlen oder zu geben, denn ein ungebremstes Ego ist der schnellste Weg, mit dem eigenen Kink sich oder anderen zu schaden.
- … oftmals auf traumatische Erfahrungen zurückzuführen, aber nicht alle, die kinky leben, hatten ein Trauma.
- … geeignet, alte Wunden aufzureißen und vertiefen – aber der angemessene Umgang mit Kinks kann helfen, mit Traumata bewusst heilsam umzugehen.
Nachfolgend verlinken wir einige Texte über die heilsame Verbindung von Traumaarbeit und BDSM:
Joe Kort
“Trauma play is when someone learns how to ‘play’ with their childhood traumas without putting themselves in danger or stunting emotional growth. A person learns to transcend his or her past rather than having it inflicted upon them. Using the example of the man who was physically beaten as a child, he may have some sexual kink in which he becomes physically aroused by being spanked or whipped. This is possible in a non-abusive relationship between consenting adults. Just as an artist may use past trauma to express herself in her work, a person may use past trauma to express herself in the bedroom. Nobody tries to get an artist to stop expressing past traumas!” Quelle]
Wilrieke Sophia
“Consciously designed scenes are also amazing for trauma healing, embracing inner power, as well as connecting to parts of us that scare us (both as the dominant or submissive), but keep us away from fully embracing ourselves and our power as long as we don’t fully do so.” [Quelle]
Julieta Chiara
“Sexually, you feel new sensations and newfound powers.
Physically, you test your limits and can really sink back into your body, as oftentimes, we live very much disconnected from our physical realities.
Emotionally, we can connect with ourselves and how we are feeling, or be able to release stress, tension, and trauma, for sometimes we mentally disconnect as well.
Spiritually — and some may argue this — but we can reach elevated states of being and feel closer to something bigger than us. Haven’t you thought how in most religions, there is always some history of a physical practice that is meant to sacrifice or endure pain for a higher being to reward you?“ [Quelle]
Corinne Werder
“The goal of trauma work is empowerment for the survivor. Psychologists use a specific three-step process to work through traumatic events with their clients. This three-step process closely mimics the three stages of a BDSM scene. However, it’s important to remember that there’s a difference between trauma reenactment and trauma mastery. A scene could go wrong and re-traumatize someone if they’re seeking to reenact their trauma with no boundaries or safe words. That’s basically like allowing the trauma to be in the driver’s seat of a car while barreling 100 miles per hour down the freeway in the opposite direction. Practicing BDSM as a modality to work through trauma should be about mastering the trauma. You should be in the drivers seat the whole time while occasionally looking over at your trauma tucked in its booster seat.” [Quelle]
Ariane and Beatriz
„Trauma is a holistic experience which impacts body, mind, and soul and requires the same kind of holistic approach for resolution. The work with conscious sexuality and specially conscious kink, which involves setting a nonconventional but arousing practice, enables us to involve body, mind, and soul for a sustainable healing and consequent empowerment.“ [Quelle]
Sofia Barrett-Ibarria
“Kink and BDSM role play also may be beneficial to some people who’ve experienced trauma when used as a formalized therapy technique or a personal form of expression, explains Kristen P. Mark, associate professor of health promotion and director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at the University of Kentucky. ’[But] It is untrue to assume all of those who engage in kink and BDSM have experienced abuse,’ she adds. ‘That is a common misconception.’“ [Quelle]
Roc Morin
“When [Stefanos Tiziano ]asked about the therapeutic benefits of BDSM, the military veteran spoke of a friend—a female victim of sexual assault who found closure reenacting similar scenarios with her consent. According to Tiziano, the practice is common. ‘At first,’ he confided, ‘I wasn’t sure it was such a great idea, but the woman is all the better for it, and her therapist thinks so too.’ In these so-called catharsis scenes, the body, once the medium of trauma, becomes the medium of healing. The feeling of agency that arises from deciding to confront a frightening situation was cited by many practitioners as the source of their catharsis.” [Quelle]
Clementine Morrigan
„I don’t want to lie naked under a waterfall. I want to be gagged and hooded and left in a closet for long periods of time dripping drool all over myself. Neither scenario is inherently wrong; it all depends on my desire and my consent. Is my desire for submission related to my trauma? In my opinion, yeah probably. Probably my desire to explore power and submission in a consensual erotic context is connected to my history of never having a choice but to experience powerlessness. The difference is that now I do have a choice, and this is what I choose. Rather than framing it as a pathological or traumatic result of being a survivor, I choose to see it as a powerful, hot, incredibly creative way to heal and transform. For me, kink is a practice of trauma magic.“ [Quelle]
Shanna Katz
“The shorter answer? Anything can be either helpful or hurtful (or even both in some cases) to survivors of sexual assault or any type of violence. In some cases, allowing a survivor complete control over a sexual power play situation could be healing in that they could either be in a dominant role (which was likely not the case during their assault), or in a submissive role in which they can dictate exactly what does and does not happen, and can have the power to stop their interaction at any time. For many individuals, the explicit consent that is required for BDSM and/or any kink play can be empowering.” [Quelle]
Alyssa
„BDSM has been nothing but a positive addition to my life and my healing. I’ve experienced many sexual traumas in my life and before I got involved with the kink scene, I had no concept of healthy boundaries, sexual empowerment, or even my own worthiness for pleasure and consent.“ [Quelle]
Leah Peterson
“By using everything from whips and floggers to my caressing fingers and tongue, I coax my submissive’s body through a kink scene safely. By playing in a controlled environment where the sub dictates what happens, we can rewrite traumatic moments from the past in a new way where she’s in charge, instead of them happening to her. My goal is to bring just enough pain to her body that it becomes flooded with feel-good endorphins and she hits a high known as “subspace,” a floaty, time-suspended, buzzy feeling.” [Quelle]
Atma Pöschl
„Dem Schmerz ins Gesicht zu schauen, kann sinnlich, sexy und erotisch sein. Das Wort ‚Gewalt‘ kommt vom althochdeutschen ‚waltan‘ und meint die Stärke, eine Sache in ihrem Inneren zu verändern. So spielen wir mit Hingabe und Verletzlichkeit, sexueller Lust und Unlust, Freude, Traurigkeit, Angst, Schmerz und allen Nuancen der ganzen bunten Gefühlspalette. Was auch immer da ist, ist gut. Als bewusstes Tool lädt BDSM ein, heilig/ gut oder abartig/böse nicht länger abzuspalten und unser ganzes Potenzial zu leben. So wird auch die Sexualität – in Würde, Liebe und mit Bewusstheit gelebt – zu einer Quelle von Gesundheit und Kraft und manchmal auch zu einem spirituellen Weg. Schubladen wie Tantra und BDSM sind überflüssig, ungeerdete Spiritualität ebenfalls.“ [Quelle]
Laura A. Jacobs
“Trauma is often about the loss of control. Sexual trauma is often accompanied by feelings of disempowerment around sex.
In risk-aware kink, before two people interact in an intimate way, we set boundaries, explain what we’re comfortable with and not comfortable with, set safe words or other ways to explain when to stop, and so on. These protocols give individuals ‘a measure of control over something that happens over an emotionally charged experience … BDSM can also help us have a sense of emotional safety,’ Laura explained.” [Quelle]
Tim Murray
“Some kink is for play. Some is for processing. Sometimes we try to hide one inside the other. In the practice of Conscious Therapeutic Kink, we bring elements of mindfulness, intention, somatic experience, and service into the scene. Not just to engage in play that is „not therapy, but can be therapeutic“, but to put focused effort into creating exactly the type of play that YOU need, to process or delve into your particular situation.” [Quelle]
Jeremy N. Thomas
“In this article, I introduce the concept of BDSM as trauma play, which is the practice of intentionally engaging in BDSM activities in order to ‘‘play’’ with one’s past trauma or abuse. I begin by offering a fuller definition of trauma play, and I then summarize some of the key scholarly discussions related to the topic, especially the themes of healing, therapy, play, and embodiment. Following this, I take an autoethnographic approach, and I investigate my own trauma play experiences, which I subsequently analyze and use to highlight the need for more systematic research into this understudied topic area that significantly impacts the lives of some BDSM practitioners.” [Quelle]
Weiterführende Links:
Einen guten Einstieg ins weite Feld von BDSM bieten die Schlagzeilen. Aus dem Bücherschrank empfehlen wir Das SM-Handbuch und Die Wahl der Qual. Wer tiefer in das Thema Kink-Awareness einsteigen möchte, könnte bei der National coalition for sexual freedom fündig werden. Harald schreibt in einem Blog-Beitrag über Consent und Sexpositivität.
Fußnoten:
[1] Kink hat sich als Sammelbegriff für ungewöhnliche sexuelle Vorlieben eingebürgert. Der Begriff ist positiv aufgeladen, aber mindestens neutral. Damit steht er bewusst diametral gegen abwertende Begriffe (z.B. pervers oderabartig). „Ungewöhnlich“ kann vieles sein – eine Sexualpraktik, ein Fetisch, eine Fantasie, ein Outfit, ein Rollenverständnis usw. – und ist naturgemäß vage und offen in seinem Bedeutungsumfang.
[2] „Safe, sane, consensual (SSC) und Risk-aware consensual kink (RACK) sind zwei unterschiedliche Konzepte innerhalb des BDSM, um bei potenziell risikobehafteten Aktivitäten Einvernehmlichkeit zwischen den Beteiligten sicherzustellen und damit die verwendeten Praktiken von strafbarer sexueller Gewalt klar abzugrenzen.“ (Wikipedia)
[3] Da wir keine fachkundliche Aus- oder Fortbildung in Psychotherapie o.ä. haben, bieten wir keine Traumbehandlung an. Beim Thema Kink sind wir daher Ansprechpartner für Menschen, die mit ihren traumatischen Erfahrungen bereits selbstwirksam und angemessen souverän umgehen können und die wissen, wie sich ihre einstmals belastenden Erfahrungen heute in ihrer Sexualität widerspiegeln, ohne dass sie davon re-traumatisiert werden.
Ebenfalls bieten wir keine sexuelle Körperarbeit an. Unser Paarcoaching ist eine rein sprachliche Arbeit, in der es nicht zu sexuellem Kontakt oder Austausch kommt.
